Unless you stop objectifying women, asshole.
Last Sunday Robbie Tripp, activist and author, posted a love letter to his “curvy” wife who the “basic bros” would likely call “chubby” or “fat” on his Instagram. You can read it in its entirety here:
|| I love this woman and her curvy body. As a teenager, I was often teased by my friends for my attraction to girls on the thicker side, ones who were shorter and curvier, girls that the average (basic) bro might refer to as "chubby" or even "fat." Then, as I became a man and started to educate myself on issues such as feminism and how the media marginalizes women by portraying a very narrow and very specific standard of beauty (thin, tall, lean) I realized how many men have bought into that lie. For me, there is nothing sexier than this woman right here: thick thighs, big booty, cute little side roll, etc. Her shape and size won't be the one featured on the cover of Cosmopolitan but it's the one featured in my life and in my heart. There's nothing sexier to me than a woman who is both curvy and confident; this gorgeous girl I married fills out every inch of her jeans and is still the most beautiful one in the room. Guys, rethink what society has told you that you should desire. A real woman is not a porn star or a bikini mannequin or a movie character. She's real. She has beautiful stretch marks on her hips and cute little dimples on her booty. Girls, don't ever fool yourself by thinking you have to fit a certain mold to be loved and appreciated. There is a guy out there who is going to celebrate you for exactly who you are, someone who will love you like I love my Sarah. || photo cred: @kaileehjudd
Now first instinct would tell you to go, “Aww, he loves his wife so much.” Reading a little deeper though and there is a clear theme here. He loves his wife, and that’s wonderful but he seems to need to point out, over and over again if you look at his other posts, even though she’s fat*. He seems to desperately need the public at large to know that he loves a big girl*. He can’t just say he loves her. He can’t just talk about how beautiful she is, which she is, he doesn’t talk about her heart, mind, or kindness. Just her fat* and how he’s a hero for loving her in spite of it.
He isn’t a hero. He’s objectifying his wife and telling the world how cool he is for doing so and while she may be okay with it, as her responses to his post and the notoriety it’s created seem to indicate, it shouldn’t be excused. By continually pointing out how incredible he is for loving a fat* woman, he’s saying that women who don’t fit a certain body type aren’t inherently deserving of love. It says one must be incredible to love someone who looks like her. I question, based only on their social media, if he loves her nearly as much as he loves himself for being so heroic.
He’s as, if not more, damaging to women than the dude with “NO FATTIES” on his Plenty of Fish profile. At least the Plenty of Fish guy makes very clear what his priorities are and you can steer clear. Guys like Tripp objectify and fetishize under the veil of attraction and love. He wants you to know he loves his fat* wife, even though she’s fat*. He wants to openly fetishize his wife’s body and he wants you to applaud him for doing it. And he’s getting exactly that.
You don’t get cookies for loving who you love, you don’t get praise for being attracted to who you’re attracted to. You certainly aren’t a hero for objectifying your wife because you’re not a “basic bro”. You aren’t deserving of applause for shaming thin women by calling them porn stars, bikini mannequins, or movie characters. You aren’t incredible for shaming porn stars or movie characters either by relegating them as a type of women to be tossed aside. You are not a male feminist because you love your wife, especially when every time you say it publicly you’re explaining how her body isn’t worthy of love but you give it to her anyway.